A 23-Year Old Finding Work

It's no surprise that you'll constantly find articles arguing if a college degree is still even relevant.  In the US, the unemployment rate is 12.2 % for 20-24 year-olds. 33% of those who work in jobs that don't need a college degree. According to Time, there are two things stacked against Millenials:

1. An increasingly unstable Earth to raise our families
2. A move from manufacturing to tech jobs, that demands increased level of training  and experience

Long before I graduated, I was already anxious about job prospects. I knew that I don't want to cohabit with strange roommates anymore and that living in downtown San Francisco is too expensive. I'm also an international student, so my VISA is subject to laws by the USCIS.

Then, I had to move to San Diego, a city where I had zero network. If you've ever tried looking at job boards, you might as well sob in despair. Despite my honest qualifications, I was about 80% under-qualified in producing media jobs. They require 2-5 year industry experience. As the irony goes: 

"You need a job to get experience, but you need experience to get a job."

Selfie from my desk. Double-screen, ergonomic chair, etc. and work is only from 6AM to noon.

Turning Point

When I came back from a vacation/engagement, I reached a turning point: find a job within a month or move back to the Philippines. But I have to give it 100% because I do need the experience and savings before I settle down.

I armed myself the best way I know how - read books. Two of them helped: One is Katie Couric's, "Best Advice I Ever Got." For the nights that I cried out of frustration, it helped to learn about how extraordinary people shaped their lives in their 20's. Two is "New Marketing and PR Rules" by David Meerman Scott. He discussed tangible steps of an effective job search. A tip that actually landed me a job: follow up with after interviews emails until they are clear to turn you down. 

Finally, I was called in a second job interview, one that offered me a salary on the spot. I knew that moment I stepped in that I wanted to work there. New building, calm office, full studio, and friendly hosts. I accepted the offer.

What I Do For A Living

As a programming assistant for Money Biz Life Network, I research stories for the hosts, transfer callers to the studio, and edit the show for web upload. Recently, I've also started working on producing a sports commentary by Lee Hacksaw. These are the top two most amusing things about my job:

1. I'm awestruck at the enunciation and charm of TV hosts. As their colleague, I get to talk to them and see them work magic everyday.

2. People from all over the US call us for financial advice. One retiree goes: "I need help.... What should I do with my $2 million?" And he was so sincere in his query.

Everyday, our hosts and manager say "Thanks for your help, Crystal." I read massive stories about horrible bosses, but there's not even a hint of drama in our office. My colleagues come to work, play music, run to the studio laughing two minutes before broadcast starts. Professional and kind, if I were to summarize my work environment.

Ray Lucia Sr. nicknamed me after the 70's song, 'Crystal Blue Persuasion.' One day he said, "Crystal, I'm using one of your articles, so I'll mention you on-air." 

What's Next?

When I was in school, all I wanted was to graduate. When I did, I got anxious about job hunting. When I found a job, I worried about earning more. As Gretchen Rubin said in "The Happiness Project":

"We are all constantly in different stages of happiness."

In hindsight, I shouldn't have been afraid of finding work. The common phrase from my graduating friends is: "I just need the stability of a job." That stability comes with routine (for me, waking up at 4:50 AM everyday)  and this question: "What's next for me?"

I'm obsessed about life-long learning, from Dan Coyle's LARP theory to Cal Newport's emphasis on deliberate practice. In fact, I'm currently enrolled at a Duke University MOOC on writing.

I did something two days ago that gave me an emotional high: volunteering for the OneDayInSanDiego project. I crafted questions for two veterans of Workshop for Warriors, drove to different locations, and worked with a filmmaker and a sound guy. One of them said at lunch: "What did you study in college? No wonder you sounded so natural."

Here is San Diego Mayor Kevin Faulconer and filmmaker Jodi Cilley after our interview:

Mayor Kevin Faulconer (middle) attended a home building project in Ocean Beach.  Filmmaker extraordinaire, Jodi Cilley (right), urged me to help with the One Day In San Diego Project. I constantly volunteer to refresh my producing chops.

Cal Newport' sums it best. According to him, there are three main components for great work:

1. Impact - When your work positively affects people or the world
2. Creativity - When your work enables to you personalize, deconstruct, think, and create
3. Control - When your work allows you to be flexible in terms growth

That's a tall order for a 23-year old. I'm sure even or older folks! So, I am not there yet. But this is a lifelong thing anyway. I'm leaving you with Pope Francis' remarkable take on work:

Why Do People Get Married?

I read a lot about science and faith, but this Christian book on marriage taught me many things about myself and how to treat others. Coincidentally, now is Holy Week, a ripe time to reflect on permanent lessons from the Bible.

I'm getting married soon. I've always believed that what I lack in experience, I can learn from books. Considering the trend of my Millennial generation, 44% of which claims that marriage is becoming obsolete, I’m still ‘young’ to settle down. Another trend is loss of trust in religion. Many of my peers blatantly claim being atheists or in the least, personalized their approach to faith. 

Dr. Gary Chapman's "The Marriage You've Always Wanted," hit many good points about relationships. If you’re in one, looking for one, or getting out of one - we will all benefit to reflect on many his wise, humbling advice.

What is the purpose of Marriage? 

Why can't people just co-habitate? 

Marriage was God’s answer for humankind’s deepest human need — union of life with another. This unity is to encompass all of life — the total union of two lives on the intellectual, social, physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

In other words, marriage is beyond the economic benefits or having children/companion. Marriage means the  blessing of two lives in the deepest possible way into a new unit that will both satisfy the individuals involved and serve the purposes of God.

My future husband, Jovi, is not my dumping ground. Our romantic phase will fade. We will fight bitterly. We will encounter tragedy. We will have to work on showing love both in words and actions every single day. Proving you love someone is like a second job.

But a husband's and wife's partnership signifies a higher purpose - oneness intellectually, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually. That is a lot to ask, but has an eternal uptake if it works. 

Oneness is attained only as we are willing to confide failures as well as successes. 

Fighting

There are four communication qualities that can always predict a break-up:

1. Criticism
2. Defensiveness
3. Contempt
4. Stonewalling

Truthfully, I am guilty of #4. It's just that I'd rather be quiet than say hurtful words. Which, by the way, Dr. Chapman warns us as "high, heavy walls that develop." When a friend betrays my trust, I know that a wall is slowly emerging. This is even aggravated by our loved ones, especially since they are so close to us. Life is too short to let heavy walls exist around you. So don't. Discuss, be open, and move forward. 

Decision-Making

In 1793, Olympe de Gouges wrote a manifesto about women's right. She was beheaded a few months later. We've come a long way in our expression of gender equality today. In fact, marriages are treated as partnerships between the male and female.

But who makes a decision in a marriage?

The first rule is to wait. Almost all major discussions can, and will benefit, from waiting. After much discussion and if nothing surfaces, according to the Bible, the default decider is the husband. 

I was appalled. No way in the world. Right? 

"A wife may feel the challenge of submission, but she should also feel the security of a responsible husband, one who will make decisions when he must." - Dr. Chapman

It makes sense. Part of Jovi's attitude about decision-making is to let me do whatever I wanted. He had never, not even once, imposed on me. What a remarkable gift for a young woman such as myself. But as we enter in a marriage, I will have to yield to him. Not because I'm inferior, but because he has proven to make sound decisions in our last eight years together. And if he makes a mistake, here's a mantra of a wise wife:  “We goofed, but we’re together, and we’ll make it.”

I think now I know why Kris Aquino, in all of her wisdom and prowess, always had trouble with men.

What is the purpose of sex in a marriage? 

1. To procreate
2. To meet physical and emotional needs
3. To provide pleasure

According to Deuteronomy 24:5:

“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year, he is to be free to stay home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. The word translated “happiness” is elsewhere translated “pleasure” and is the same word that is used for sexual gratification. He is to stay home and pleasure his wife for one year."

Talk about a honeymoon!

Leaving Parents

“Honor your mother and father.” It’s the original commandment, a guideline from birth to death, and it stands forever. God’s pattern for marriage involves the “leaving” of parents and “cleaving” to one’s mate. It involves a change of allegiance. Psychologists call this “cutting the psychological apron strings.” If there is conflict, the husband is to lean to his wife. 

Money

Jovi and I are both under-buyers. We are on the same page about frugality, which as my financial adviser colleagues say, "is the best investment strategy." I'm so thankful that we are starting our marriage 100% debt-free, with even a little bit of savings to build our first household. 

“A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffer the consequences.” -Proverbs 22:33

All in all, these six points are the highlights of Dr. Chapman's book. They are not just sourced quotes, but have practical implications. Lessons so pragmatic, they apply outside marriage - even simply in how we treat other people. 

What have you learned in your own relationship? What can you advice Jovi and I as we enter marriage?

-C. 

God himself said to Adam: “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) His answer to a man’s need is a woman.

Source:

Gary Chapman's, "The Marriage You've Always Wanted"